I still want to be a ballerina…

I know every little girl wants to be a ballerina… (and some little boys, too, for that matter) but for a lot of them, it fades away after a while. for some of us, it sticks around, pushing us to class every day, forcing us to work hard, reminding us that it's all worth it.

But what if it's not?

What if you do all that work, refine all that technique, practice all those foutees, all for nothing? just to be turned down from company after company? just to find that you're just not good enough/tall enough/strong enough/thin enough? what if you're too tall?

For me, I struggle with this regularly. I'm very injured, my body does not cooperate with me in pointe shoes, my knees rebel when I walk, let alone when I dance, and I have no turn-out. I'm also five feet and nine inches, putting me at six feet en pointe. On top of all that I have injuries that keep me from dancing, and very un-refined technique due to me having to cut hours because of those injuries.The likelihood of my joining a company? Rather slim. And that's okay, because I've decided I want to be a teacher. But how am I supposed to build my reputation if I can't be a dancer?

So that's what I'm struggling with right now. I've trained under David Howard and Galina Panova, I teach 12 classes a week, including private lessons at a prep school. I sound pretty good on paper --for a college graduate-- but the next step is joining a company, and that's a step I can' take. I have to find a replacement step to get me where I want to be… and that's to eventually open my own studio and company.

I know it's not hopeless, and I know God's got a really awesome plan… but it's really stressful to be graduating in the spring and have no idea where I'm going to go or what I'm going to do.

3 comments:

  1. Sorry, this help isn't advice, but I am just stating that, that was very inspiring (:

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  2. please view my blog life in the lena lane your blog is inspring to me :)

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  3. There's a certain unspoken idea among ballet dancers that ballet companies are the only logical choice. I, too, fell into that trap. I studied at School of American Ballet and SF Ballet, then went on to dance with Miami City Ballet. I ended my career while I was still young because I felt I was giving it everything but getting too little in return. I wish I had realized back then that there were many more opportunities available, such as modern dance companies and other forms that are not so hard on the body, dancing in opera productions or theater. If you expand your thinking to other opportunities you might find there are many more than you realized.

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